Celebrity Boxing


Helix D. Monster

"Put your paws up!"
Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog

"You have beautiful orange fur... for me to poop on!"

(Triumph pic courtesy of Brian Star. Be sure to check out Brian's website for more info!)
It has been over two months since Helix made his television debut. He had hoped the public exposure would lead to WORK such as commerical endorsement deals or perhaps Helix's own sitcom. Much to Helix's dismay, the entertainment industry has completely abandoned him! Helix's offers to guest star on "Greg the Bunny" or host "Saturday Night Live" have apparently fallen on deaf ears.

Helix thinks one cause of his sagging popularity may be his lack of representation. Most TV/Movie Executives are less than willing to listen to a pitch from an orange monster hand puppet. For some reason, they don't take Helix seriously! At the same time, they continue to produce Adam Sandler movies at an alarming rate. The business can be so cruel!

After finally accepting the fact that it may take human intervention to help Helix break his horns into Hollywood, Helix has started a new experiment, "Can a Monster Hand Puppet Get an Agent?". But, Helix isn't depending entirely on landing a tasty human agent. Helix is taking responsibility for himself and finding creative ways to increase his visibility.

Helix recently challenged Late Night with Conan O'Brien's resident puppet, Triumph, to a celebrity boxing match. Triumph seemed like a natural opponent. He has what Helix wants: FAME. A recurring role on a late night talk show. Helix would give his left horn for that opportunity! And Helix is literally putting his pointy puppet horns on the line.

The stakes are high! If Helix wins the match, he takes Triumph's spot on Late Night. If Triumph should somehow end up the victor (probably by cheating), then Helix will agree to be de-horned and suffer the embarrassment of losing his monster masculinity.

The date of the match has yet to be announced. However, both puppets have started rigorous training regimens. When the first bell finally rings, Helix thinks he will have the upper paw. Not only is Helix already in great shape but Triumph's penchant for cigar smoking is well-known. Helix's strategy is to wear out the insult comic dog and then punish him in the late rounds. Can Helix outlast Triumph or will his horns be surgically removed? Stay tuned for more details as this story develops.

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