Helix D. Monster
P.O. Box 2924
St. Paul, MN 55102

helixdmonster@aol.com
Introduction: Helix is a monster hand puppet with orange fur and pointy horns. Helix was born (made) in China but currently lives in St. Paul, Minnesota with his CPM (creepy puppet master).

Helix is a professional hand puppet and amateur Webmonster and has maintained www.helixdmonster.com since 11/01. He is now eager to integrate himself into the human workforce. Helix is seeking a challenging position in a positive work environment with lots of tasty co-workers to eat.

Helix would be more than happy to relocate away from the CPM and is willing to receive orange Tic-Tacs in lieu of a weekly paycheck.
   
Education: Helix has been home schooled by daytime television but is currently considering enrolling in college to earn his degree in Monsterology.
   
Professional experience: While Helix has no formal office training, he did visit the CPM's workplace last year as part of "Take Your Puppet to Work Day". You can see for yourself that Helix learned a lot from this experience.



While hanging out in his master's cubicle, Helix spied an electric pencil sharpener.



Helix took the opportunity to sharpen his horns.



Ouch! That was a bad idea!





Helix files himself under H.



Helix types an interoffice memo explaining to co-workers how creepy the puppet master is.



Helix then tried tries to get the creepy puppet master in trouble by sending his boss nasty e-mails!



Helix drank a little too much of the "special" punch in the break room and got a little crazy. He photocopied his puppet behind as he's seen his master do MANY, MANY times before! (Scary thought, isn't it?)


Here, Helix sets the copier for legal-size.


What could be more intimidating than legal-sized horns?



Helix couldn't find any Febreze in the supply cabinet so instead, he sprayed Desk and Office cleaner in his puppet hole.



Helix tries faxing himself back to China. Unfortunately, he forgot to dial *9 first for an outside line. The creepy puppet master caught Helix before he had a chance to re-dial.
   
Skills: Helix is a multi-tasking monster who likes to think outside of the puppet hole. Helix is a proven problem-solver and is constantly developing evil plans. Among his proudest achievements is his successful decanning of Oscar the Grouch.

Helix can use his pointy horns to type, gore tasty customers, and point out directions. Helix boasts a proficiency in biting and in being adorable. Helix thinks he would be a valuable asset to any company and looks forward to being your most orange employee.
   
Limitations: Unfortunately, Helix has not yet developed vocal cords so phone ettiquette is a work in progress. Helix must also refuse any job that will require him to be puppeted by a creepy hand.

Helix knows that you may be concerned about a monster hand puppet finding reliable transportation. Helix is happy to say that he has three pairs of artificial legs which will enable him to walk to work every day.

Helix is a hard worker but he does ask for the same considerations that humans receive. Helix needs a minimum of two 10-minute coffee breaks and a half hour for him to open a can of Cat Soup for lunch.
References: Helix ate them.

After reviewing Helix's resume, if you have comments, questions, or would like to set up an interview with Helix, please click here to e-mail him.

Please also feel free to visit www.helixdmonster.com learn more about Helix D. Monster.