A Human's Guide to Helix Speak

Learn to talk like your favorite monster! Helix introduces this new section to his website where you can unlock the secrets to speaking like him!

Improve your Monster vocabulary. Each week, Helix will offer a new word for you to learn and use in daily conversation.

This Week's Word is...



Whether you're at school or at work, gathered around the dinner table at home or out in a fancy restaurant, take advantage of every opportunity to use this word this week.

Then, e-mail Helix and tell him about your experiences using this word. Who did you say it to? In what context? What was the reaction of the person(s) you said it to? If possible, include original photos to demonstrate your mastery of Helix Speak.

Remember: Being able to communicate with Helix is the first step to avoid being eaten by Helix.

Helix has a language all his own that he refers to as,"Helix Speak".

If you are new to interacting with Helix, here are some common abbreviations, phrases, and words that make up the monster hand puppet vocabulary.

Remember: Being able to communicate with Helix is the first step to avoid being eaten by Helix.

CPM: Helix's abbreviation for the "creepy puppet master".
Eat you later: A common Helix goodbye. The more formal version, "Helix will eat you later." is often used.
Horns up: The equivalent of the human expression, "heads up". Used as a warning to look out for danger -- especially CPM's.
KPM: Helix's abbreviation for "kind puppet master". Rarely used.
Long time, no puppet: A threat used by CPM's after prolonged periods of having their creepy hand out of Helix's private puppet places.
Meep: The offspring between a monster hand puppet and a sheep.
Orange-rific: An adjective used to describe an object that is excessively orange. Example: That pumpkin is orange-rific!
Orange Tic-Tacs: Tasty 1 1/2 calorie breathmint, Helix's favorite edible item, and the primary form of monster hand puppet currency.
Puppet Hole: Helix's private puppet space. When it is not being violated by the CPM's creepy hand, it is either hollow or filled with a comfortable styrofoam cup.
Tasty Human: Any member of the homosapien species with the exception of Drew Barrymore.
Third Monster: The linguistic form of Helix Speak where Helix refers to himself as "Helix" instead of "I". Humans commonly mistake this for "third person". Helix is not a person. Helix is a monster hand puppet.
What the Helix!: A monster hand puppet profanity used to express extreme displeasure.

News/Features

Spelling Counts

Everyone knows that your horns can slip while typing. When conversing with Helix, some of these spelling errors can be rather disturbing. Helix asks humans to watch themselves carefully and not repeat these mistakes:

Incorrect:
Felix

Correct:
Helix

Helix is NOT a litigious cartoon cat! Helix eats them.

Incorrect:
Muppet hole

Correct:
Puppet hole

Helix is pretty sure Muppets have STRINGS not holes.

Incorrect:
Creepy puppet mater

Correct:
Creepy puppet master

*shudders* This one creates a chilling visual that Helix would rather not think about.
4/27/03
Helix's First Words!
Helix Celebrates another Milestone of his Puppethood...

Even though he was manufacturered without the benefit of vocal cords, Helix has always held out hope that one day he would be able to speak. That day has finally arrived! Thanks to the modern medical miracle of word balloons, Helix is finally able to talk.


Helix's first words were a rousing chant of support for his local hockey team as they compete in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Helix congratulates the Minnesota Wild on their wonderful season and Playoff run.

Ask Helix about Helix Speak

Question:
Why do you talk in the third person?  You know what I mean, Helix this, Helix that but whatever man, it's cool. You're a cool guy. (Iris)

Answer:
Thank you. Helix IS cool but he definately doesn't qualify as a "guy". Yes, Helix is male but he is a full-furred male MONSTER. Therefore, Helix does not talk in third person, he talks in third monster.

But, WHY does Helix talk this way? Honestly, Helix hasn't a clue. He has always talked this way. There's no particular reason for it. It just seems the monsterly thing to do.
Question:
What does one say to a handpuppet -- surely not "High five!"? (Brenda) 

Answer:
Most humans simply emit loud, piercing screams and run in the opposite direction. However, for those that are not immediately frightened away by orange monster hand puppets, Helix welcomes any type of greeting.

It's true that, "High five!" is probably not the best choice of salutation. Helix has no fingers and "Paws two!" just doesn't roll off the tongue very well. Perhaps, Helix's fans can suggest some greetings.

In the meantime, Helix is trying to force some of his monster lingo into the mainstream lexicon. For example, the next time you find yourself uttering obscenities, Helix suggests you use the phrase, "What the Helix!" instead.

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