"Dear Helix's Creepy Master and Helix,
I just wanted to let you know that I am in Iowa now. I just thought I would send you some pictures my Mistress took of me. By the way, she's really cool!
Here is a picture of me writing you this e-mail. I also went looking for some monster porn sites when my Mistress wasn't looking, but I didn't have any luck at all. I have plenty of time to surf while she's sleeping!
Here is a picture of me and the Satanic Lamb. I think he has the 'hots' for me! It's too bad he doesn't realize that I am a boy monster. I suppose not having any 'out bits' makes it hard to determine such things.
I also met a spooky spider. He was nice enough and everything, but I think he has a drinking problem, so I won't be spending much time with him.
I need to go take a nap now. Traveling in a box can sure make a monster tired! I will write to you and Helix again when I have rested up and managed to do more interesting things, and maybe a few naughty ones?!?
Thanks for sending me to Iowa. I will let you know if I see any aliens once the corn grows back!"
-Horn E. Monster
Horn E. Monster's first puppet
hole invasion.
More Adventures of Horn
E. Monster!
"Dear
Helix,
I have had more adventures since I
moved to Iowa.
Last week, my Mistress decided to potty train me. I
attempted to let her know that I don't have a bladder,
but she insisted I try. She even gave me a book to eat
while I sat on the toilet. Anyway, the whole situation
was fun and games until her son gave me a shove. I still
can't get the smell out of my fur... any suggestions?
This is me eating the Ginger Bread
Man. For some reason, he didn't run (or scream). I soon
figured out why, when later, I picked a very large magnet
out of my teeth. He was already dead...silly me!
Here I am with my friend the Satanic Lamb. I was feeling
a little lazy about crawling to the kitchen to get a
snack, so I tried to get a ride. As you can see by the
look on his face, he wasn't too impressed or was he
disappointed?
This is a picture of me next to a
picture of Corey Taylor. He is posing with the band Stone
Sour, but he better known for being the lead singer of
Slipknot. For some reason my Mistress stares at this
picture every time she is by her computer. I often wonder
what is so attractive about this human...is it the bit of
hair hanging down his face, the piercing stare, or
because he is short? I think next week, I am going to go
outside and try these things, and see if anything stares
at me like that. I will let you know how it turns
out!"
