A couple of years ago, Helix showed off his first ever HORN-RINGS. Helix decorated his horns for Halloween with a pair of SPIDER rings. This year, Helix has discovered TWO new sets of HORN-RINGS.

Which do you like more - Helix's horns decorated with ghosts or with pumpkins?

Here's what humans have said:

"The ghost ones are more eye-catching, but the pumpkin ones are more symmetrical. Monsters prize symmetry, as we all know. I notice the ghosts have different facial expressions. Perhaps they are the good ghost and evil ghost on each of Helix's shoulders? I think we should be told what they are saying to him." (Darren)

"The ghosts show up better." (Suzanne)

"I like the ghosts best, though I think you look cute in both pics." (C. Paige)

"The pumpkins are the same color as you, Helix! Keep the pumpkins!" (Wendy)

"I am glad to see you're in the orange of health and looking quite fetching in both sets of horn rings. I must say, however, that I do prefer the pumpkin horn rings; they bring out the color of your nose." (Tiffany)

"Neither. Maybe if he wore one as a pin." (Clay)

"The pumpkin horn-rings are definitely more your style, even though I think the ghost horn-rings make a nicer contrast to your fur." (Birgit)

"I think you should wear the ghost horn-rings, they look better on you!" (Bernice)

How many hand puppets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Here's what humans have said:

"None. Helix is clever enough to make the CPM change the lightbulb for him. Hmmm, maybe it can turn into another clever plan to eliminate the CPM through electrocution?" (Lissa)

"None. Helix's brilliant orange is sufficient to light even the darkest room." (Darren)

Sometimes Helix thinks his nose is too big for his furry face.

Helix wants to know:
Should Helix get a nose job?

Do you doubt that Helix is serious? He has a foil cutter all ready to trim a few inches off his huge honker!

Here's what humans have said so far:

"Definitely not. He's far too handsome to go anywhere near the surgeon's needle." (Darren)

"No way! Helix's nose is perfect the way it is. If he got a nose job then he wouldn't be Helix would he?" (Annie)

Helix is getting health-conscious and wants to know...

How many calories are there in a cat?

Here's what humans have said:
"It depends. A fluffy middle aged one is like mutton, loaded with calories  A kitten probably has more protein per square inch of yummy fur." (Megan)

"It must be more than 1000, as the pizzas I like are over 1000. Mind you, I don't eat cat pizzas." (Darren)

"<sigh> Helix, you should give up cats and eat more veggies." (Christine)

Oh no! Helix has come down with a bad case of Monster Pox. His face has broken out in Lime Tic-Tacs. Helix needs your advice to get better!



This week's question:
How can Helix get rid of the Monster Pox?

Here's what humans have said:
"Quick, he needs to take a bath in Tang." (Megan)

"It's very simple. Helix needs to find a green monster to eat his lime Tic-Tacs. I know Helix loathes green monsters, but he'll have to swallow his pride on this one, I'm afraid." (Darren)

"I will tell Helix how to get rid of his Monster Pox if he tells me how to get rid of my dog's fleas first!" (Colleen)

"Take two orange Tic-Tacs and call me in the morning." (Lissa)

Helix wants to know:

Why do potatoes sit on couches?

Here's what humans have said:
"Potatoes don't just sit on any couch. It has to be a couch in front of a TV. Potatoes are very sinister things. Has Helix ever noticed the way the potatoes constantly watch him with their eyes? The potatoes want to absorb the radiation from the TV and become mutants. Once they have a big, strong mutant army, they will take over the world. The only way to stop them is to bake them and eat them. With cheese. Or cats, in Helix's case." (Darren)

"They have no legs, silly, only eyes to watch TV with!" (Lissa)

"Where else are they going to sit?  On the floor?" (Melodie)

Helix learned that one of the advantages of spending the night in a hotel are the many free goodies he gets to smuggle home.



Helix wants to know:

What should he use this styrofoam cup for?

Helix found many uses for his first styrofoam cup.

He used it as a nose protector.


He wore it as a hat.


He used it as a receptacle for his artificial legs.

And last but not least, he put the styrofoam cup in his puppet hole. (Prior to this historic event, Helix had only had styrofoam packing peanuts in his puppet hole.)

Here's what humans thought he should use the styrofoam cup for:
"Tang." (Megan)

"The styrofoam cup should be used as a nose-protector for Helix when he goes into the sun, so his nose doesn't get sunburnt. Alternatively, he could use it as a fez to impersonate cult 80's British comedian/magician Tommy Cooper." (Darren)

"A sperm sample. That way, he will know if he has the ability to properly breed or not." (Colleen)

"Are penguins poisonous?"

Here's what humans have been telling Helix:

"Penguins are not poisonus, they are explosive." (Jessie)

"No, no, no, no, no!  Penguins are NOT poisonous!  Maybe Helix should ask the CPM since the CPM has already asked his girlfriend this question many, many times!" (Amanda)

"Penguins are yummy. They taste like fish. But I think you would have to skin the one in the picture first or its fur would get stuck in your teeth!" (Ro)

"That penguin resembles Roseanne Barr or Kathy Bates a little too much. I can't decide which! It scares me though! Please tell me the penguin was just tired?" (Meg)

"Are penguins poisonous? While I can't answer that directly, there are many reasons why I believe he should be cautious.

First, however, I've wondered why Helix would want to ask that question in the first place. Perhaps, because both cats and penguins eat fish, Helix wonders whether he can add penguins to his diet?

Anyway, the penguin Helix is posing with in the pictures is clearly stuffed, and the stuffing could be poisonous to Helix and to humans. I suspect, judging from the tartan neckwear, the penguin was stuffed by a Scotsman, probably with a haggis. If this is the case, I feel Helix should be warned that a primary constituent of haggis is sheep viscera. While this is not poisonous per se, it might cause friction between Helix and Alyce should he eat it.

Having said all that, I am aware the Scotsman may have stuffed the penguinwith some bagpipes; Helix can test this hypothesis by squeezing the penguin to see if it emits a droning, wailing sound. If it does, it either containsbagpipes, or it's still alive.

That particular penguin looks quite furry, and it may give Helix hairballs if he eats it whole. (Mind you he seems to digest cats OK.)

Real penguins probably aren't poisonous. They do have a lot of fat or blubber, and if Helix ate all that he might get heart disease (assuming his heart is susceptible to such things). Also there's always the risk of choking on a small penguin bone.

Finally, another possibility - is Helix intending to poison the CPM with the penguin?" (Darren)

"I think penguins are extremely poisonous. They only look cute and harmless but I've heard they are filled with a sticky goo that tastes like honey, making you think you can eat it, but once you do the poison filters into your bloodstream, causing you to melt like a slug in a salt shaker. Beware of the penguins Helix!" (Selana)

"I hate penguins! I don't know if they are poisonous but I know they annoy me! I love choking them in my spare time with turnips!" (Chrissie)

"No, penguins are not poisonous... except to little fuzzy, orange monsters. They don't taste real good though. They're better to have as a pet or a friend." (Shel)

"No, but puffins are evil!" (Jasmine)