Why do you think Helix lost the 2004 U.S. Presidential Election?
It was the work of a vast right-pawed cat conspiracy.
Anti-puppet propaganda by the human press.
Voters thought Helix was running for President of the Ukraine.
Humans enjoy throwing their votes away on Republicans and Democrats.
Helix ate too much of his constituency while campaigning.
Other (Please leave comments)


Current Results

Vote Helix 2004
Which principle of the Orange Party matters the most to you?

The right to bare horns

The freedom to be assembled

Affordable Orange Tic-Tacs for seniors

More funding to find a cure for Crumpled Horn Syndrome

Force the military to adopt a "Don't Ask, Don't Puppet" policy

Put a puppet on the moon by 2010

Other (Please leave comments)


Current Results
Campaign 2004
If the election were held today, who would you vote for?

George W. Bush
John Kerry
Ralph Nader
Helix D. Monster


Current Results


Things Not to Do on the Campaign Trail

After kissing babies, do NOT eat them!

When holding press conferences, do NOT use horns to gore reporters!


Helix's Campaign Promises

Put Sugar in the Washington Think Tank!


Accusations Helix Denies

Just because Helix talks in third monster does not mean that underneath the fur, he is really Bob Dole.

After making the following discovery in downtown St. Paul, Helix has raised the threat level to his puppet hole from TANGERINE to condition MANDARIN.



All puppets are advised to use extreme caution in the vicinity of public trash cans.




On Wednesday, January 26th, 2005, President Bush held his first press conference of his second term. While publicly advocating his agenda, it was clear what he was really thinking.




Helix's new, 2004 bumpersticker is only available to members of his postal mailing list (PML). Every human on his PML will receive a free "Helix For President" bumpersticker PLUS a collectible "Vote Helix 2002!" bumpersticker from his previous campaign.



Unfortunately, Helix has already given away his entire supply of campaign buttons. Plenty of bumper stickers remain and are yours for the taking!

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While Helix promises to never compromise on his principles, he does recognize that to win this year's Presidential election, he may have to adopt a more traditional look.

Helix has noticed that the attire of other political candidates generally consists of a shirt and a tie.


Helix D. Monster - Wearing Clothes for America!

Breaking News

The 2004 Presidential campaign is heating up but until now, Helix has kept a very low profile.

All that is about to change!

Humans in Iowa recently cast their votes in the first Democratic caucus of the campaign season.

Helix used this event to make his own public appearance where he announced yet another major endorsement of his campaign.



Helix has now been endorsed by a can of Green Giant Whole Kernel Sweet Corn.

While Democrats battle each other in the Midwest, it is clear that the Orange Party candidate, Helix D. Monster is Iowa's TRUE choice!


We the Puppets...

Helix has thrown his horns into the ring (not literally, they are still attached to the top of his orange head) and has announced his candidacy for President of the United States in 2004.

Helix knows he has a tough road ahead. The election will be here before you know it and monster hand puppet candidates have traditionally been overlooked as serious contenders.

All that is about to change!


The Official Orange Party Platform
Principles of Monster Hand Puppet Politics
"What We Gore For"

Members of the Orange Party support...

  1. Affordable Orange Tic-Tacs for Seniors.
  2. Stricter laws banning ownership of exotic pets.
  3. A Puppet's Right to Choose whether or not to have a hand stuck up their puppet hole.
  4. An Executive Order calling for all showers to spray Febreze instead of water.
  5. Instead of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, public school students will observe a moment of silence to remember all of the tasty elbows Helix has eaten.
  6. Expand "No Puppeting Zones" until they reach from coast to coast.
  7. Ease restrictions for puppets to obtain permits to carry concealed containers of Febreze in their puppet holes.
  8. Animal shelters will be reclassified as Cat Soup kitchens for needy monsters.
  9. Support prohibition of lighters, matches, and all other incendiary devices.
  10. The state of Hawaii will be renamed "Horntopia" and will replace Camp David as Helix's personal, private puppet paradise.
  11. More funding to find a cure for Crumpled Horn Syndrome.
  12. Force the military to adopt a "Don't Ask, Don't Puppet" policy to increase the enlistment of hand puppets in the armed forces.
  13. Humans who voluntarily remove their hands will be exempt from paying taxes.
  14. Paint the White House orange.
  15. Require warning labels on all peanut butter products stating their addictive properties for monster hand puppets.
  16. Deregulate the artifical puppet leg industry.
  17. The National Basketball Association (NBA) will be classified as a terrorist organization and anyone caught bouncing a helpless orange object will be subject to military action.
  18. Men in Black will now be Monsters in Orange.
  19. Having a mane will be a litmus test for appointment to the Supreme Court.
  20. Put a puppet on the moon by the year 2010.
  21. The right to bare horns.
  22. The freedom to be assembled.
  23. A constitutional amendment legalizing monster/sheep marriage.
  24. Increase federal grants for puppet theater.

Sign Pledge to Vote Helix 2004

Now, that you know what the Orange Party stands for, will you support Helix and his candidacy for President of the United States?

Yes, I will sign a pledge to Vote Helix in 2004

26 humans have pledged to Vote Helix (Updated 3/10/05)
Helix thanks you for your support!

Ask Helix

Question:
"In order for a candidate to run for the presidential elections or become President, they have to be an American born citizen. Sadly, Helix was born in China and was distributed out of Canada. What now?" (Colleen)

Answer:
Helix admits this presents a problem for his campaign but he is determined not to let a minor thing like the United States Constitution detract him from victory.

Everyone knows the Constitution is flagrantly biased in favor of human candidates. In fact, historians have now proved that the founding fathers were really a notorious gang of CPM's. In order to become President, one must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years of age. Clearly, Helix does not meet either of these ridiculous requirements.

How will Helix overcome this obstacle?

Helix believes in the power of the people/puppets to petition government and force change. He plans to take his case to the Supreme Court. Once voices and horns are raised in protest, surely, these anti-puppet provisions will be stricken from the Constitution.

This summer, Helix will rally his constituency in the following chant of protest!



Helix For President Bumperstickers



Helix's new, 2004 bumpersticker is only available to members of his postal mailing list (PML). Every human on his PML will receive a free "Helix For President" bumpersticker PLUS a collectible "Vote Helix 2002!" bumpersticker from his previous campaign.



Click here to join Helix's postal mailing list.

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