Washington D.C. - President George W. Bush recently made a startling accusation against America's favorite orange monster hand puppet:
"We have conclusive evidence that the monster hand puppet known as Helix is in possession of weapons of mass destruction. We call on him to immediately disarm his horns or face the prospect of war."
Helix immediately issued the following denial:
"While Helix does not dispute the mightiness of his horns, they do not possess a threat to global security.
Helix emphatically denies that his horns have achieved nuclear capability. This is clearly a political ploy designed by the Bush Administration to distract the American voters from Helix's possible bid for the Presidency in 2004."
Helix Makes Counter Attack - Is President Bush a Puppet?
Helix stepped up efforts this week to counter President Bush's recent accusations that, "Helix's Horns are Weapons Of Mass Destruction!". While President Bush continues to capitalize on a growing anti-puppet sentiment sweeping the globe, Helix has uncovered shocking proof that this "human" President is really a puppet himself.
Credit: Fossil Jim for GWBush Art
Helix thinks this picture speaks for itself and demands that President Bush cease all anti-puppet rhetoric immediately. Humans seem to agree. A majority of those who took part in a recent web poll said Helix's horns do not constitute a threat to national security. However, a large number of humans also expressed a desire for Helix to open his horns up to U.N. inspections. Helix has not made a final decision yet about whether to allow such inspections. He will wait to see how President Bush responds.
President Retracts Accusations against Helix!
In a startling reversal, President Bush retracted all accusations made against Helix and ordered the Department of Homeland Security to lower the threat condition level from ORANGE (high risk of monster hand puppet terrorism) to YELLOW (high risk of terrorism by big birds).
Helix is elated by his most recent political victory against human President George W. Bush. Bush was clearly outmatched when he decided to take on Helix and declare his horns to be a danger to national security.